after successfully playing several rounds of a card game…
[me] you’re quite good at this game…
[her] I’m REALLY good at this game.
[me] let me check something… huh. Says here it’s for players age 6 and up.
[her] *look of shock* I’m only 3! I’m not even 6 yet and I’m playing it!

[her] why do chickens lay easter eggs in our house, daddy?
[me] .. is that how it works?
[her] no. chickens don’t know this is a house.
[me] are they confused about where to lay eggs?
[her] they can’t know it’s a house. They have very very very very small eyes.

ending a rant on people pushing their own agendas:

[me] …so you eventually just say, “fine, that’s your opinion, couldja be quiet?” … which now sounds a bit like a National Park in New Brunswick. … ‘Oh hey, wanna go camp at Kudjabequiet this weekend?’
[16-year-old] Naw, it’s too noisy.

[her] Daddy! What’s that car called? The funny little one that my sister and I play that game with?
[me] … the beetle? ‘Punch Buggy’?
[her] PUNCH BUGGY!

[her] daddy, look! I made a GUN with duplo!
[me] (concerned) uh, and what does a gun DO?
[her] squirts water out!
[me] (relieved) of course it does!
[her] SKRRPSH!

[her] my sock got wet!
[me] aw, well let’s take them off.
[her] NO! … just one.
[me] well… we should take both off and put on a new pair.
[her] But I WANT my motorcycle socks!
[me] but one’s wet, and we don’t have just a single one sitting around here… *sees a single motocycle sock in the clean laundry*
[her] *looks at sock* *looks at me* … YAY!

After I’ve just shaved off my beard:

[her] … where did Ross go?
[me] … I’m right here.
[her] … you don’t LOOK like Ross.
[me] Am I still Daddy?
[her] Yeah. But you sure don’t look like Ross.
[me] Well we can change things now and then, but we’re still the same person underneath, right?
[her] … if I cut off all my hair, I won’t be able to have pigtails.
[me] Would you still be you?
[her] Yeah. … But I sure wouldn’t look like me.

*while making a person out of lego*
[her] daddy! this person is you! I’m making you!
[me] oh good! thanks!
[her] and this person is going to have… uhm. what are those things called?
[sister] uhm…
[her] EARS! It’s going to have ears, daddy!

[teenager] I’m making cookies! Who wants to lick a mixer-wand?
[wife] mmm. … maybe a little heavy on the vanilla?
[teenager] I tried to…. well… er- … who doesn’t like vanilla?

[her] can you turn the heater off?
[sister] no, I can’t, ask Daddy.
[her] DADDY! can you turn the heater off?
[daddy] well… why do you want the heater off?
[her] because dolly wants to play in it.
[daddy] well, it’s dangerous to play in it.
[her] yeah! it is!
[daddy] … can baby play next to the heater instead?
[her] yeah! she can! *runs away*