[me] Okay, so that was the fourth point in this ‘game’, so I won it, and now it’s 5 games to 2 for me.
[11yo] Okay. You won that one 4-2.
[me] Yes, but in actual tennis, they don’t score the points like that.
[11yo] …Huh?
[me] 1point is not called “1 point”.
[11yo] It isn’t?
[me] No. The first point… jumps right to 15.
[11yo] UGH!
[me] I know.
[11yo] So…. it would be… 15 to zero?
[me] … Nnnnnno. They don’t call it ‘zero’ in tennis. It’s called ‘love’.
[11yo] … Are you making up fake rules!?!
-
-
[me] Y’know. “Shampoo” is a totally normal word that we say all the time, but if I say “poo-sham”, it sounds bad.
[10yo] What about conditioner?
[me] “Ditioner-cam”?
[10yo] “Er-dition-cam”?
[me] “Poo-sham” still sounds worse.
[10yo] Uh huh.
[me] …
[10yo] …Heh. “poo sham”.
[me] Atta girl.
-
[10yo] I came to get ice cream after dance class. And another girl from dance was here, too! So we accused each other of being stalkers.
[me] Obviously. Because that’s the only explanation when two young girls both want to get ice cream after a dance class.
[10yo] That’s what I said!
-
[10yo] My friend says she drinks coffee all the time.
[me] Huh. That’s interesting.
[10yo] But coffee isn’t supposed to be good for you.
[me] Not at that age, no. But maybe your friend is just saying that because they want to appear older. Some kids do that, right?
[10yo] Mmmm.
[me] Like when someone says they drink coffee, or watch R-rated movies.
[10yo] Uh huh.
[me] Or wear make-up.
[10yo] …
[me] You don’t… know anyone who likes wearing make-up, do you?
[10yo] No. No one. I don’t know what you’re talking about. -
[me] Hey, cool sunglasses.
[9yo] Yeah! I got them at the Milk Fair!
[me] I was going to ask how that was. Did you have fun?
[9yo] Yep!
[me] Was there as much milk as was promised?
[9yo] There wasn’t ANY milk.
[me] Oh. Well… maybe it’s an acronym. “Maybe I Like… Kites”.
[9yo] …
[me] “Make Icing Less… Kwickly”.
[9yo] … Okay, bye! *off*
[me] Wait, you don’t want to stand around and listen to me come up with potential acronyms for “MILK”?
[9yo] BYE! -
[me] are you having fun at grandma’s farm?
[9yo] yes! there’s strawberries to eat and baby chicks and I named 2 of them! they all needed names.
[me] that’s great. what are there names?
[9yo] I name mine “freckles” and “chookie”, and there’s molly, hannah, desiree and Mr Cock.
[me] …. what was that last one?
[9yo] Mr Cock. There’s only one boy so he is Mr Cock.
[me] … for “cock-a-doodle-doo”?
[9yo] Yes! Because he’s a rooster!
[me] of course. -
[7yo] Ooh, you packed me grapes!
[me] Yeah. I hoped you wanted some.
[7yo] I did! But they’re not in a box.
[me] No, I just put them in the snack bag because we were trying to get going.
[7yo] Oh.
[me] It’s like that old song: ‘Ain’t got no time for Grape Box’.
[7yo] …
[me] “Ain’t got no tiiiiiiiiiiiiime for grape box. Get in the car. Ain’t got no tiiiiiiiiiiiiime for grape box…”
[7yo] Is that a real song?
[me] Sure is, man. Great song. “Ain’t got no time for grape box”, man. -
[me] How was the birthday party?
[7yo] Good. We watched a movie.
[me] Did you like it?
[7yo] Nah. It wasn’t appropriate.
[me] Why do you say that?
[7yo] They said “shut up” a lot.
[me] You’ve heard worse.
[7yo] Like what? *smile*
[me] … Nice try. -
[16yo] I got bit by a crab
[me] Crabs don’t bite
[16yo] He pinched me on the foot.
[me] That sounds less severe.
[16yo] It was scary, he almost nipped me
[me] Wait wait wait. First he bit you, then pinched you, now it’s downgraded to “a tense situation”?
[16yo] Well… yeah. Where’s all the orange juice?
[me] It was offered to friends this afternoon.
[7yo] But I spilled most of it on my leg!
[16yo] That’s wasteful!
[me] Well, she spilled a small amount of it on her leg when she was pouring it.
[16yo] But she just said ‘most of it’!
[me] Well, you just said you got your foot bit off by an angry crab; We’re all engaging in exaggeration tonight. -
[7yo] Ugh! My lunchbag is heavy!
[me] Well, there’s lots of delicious thins in it.
[7yo] Chocolate bricks?
[me] No.
[7yo] Regular chocolate?
[me] No, I did not pack you chocolate of any kind.
[7yo] Then I don’t understand why it’s heavy.